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Nobody Cares About Your Fantasy Football Team

It’s that time of year again, folks. Fantasy Football is back and I couldn’t be more excited for it. For a while, it was looking like football probably wasn’t going to happen but I think we’re in the clear. We’re all excited to be back, but it is time to tackle the epidemic that has been sweeping the nation since the dawn of time.

You need to stop telling people how awesome your fantasy football team is.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being obsessed with your lineup and thinking you’re an absolute mastermind. I’m guilty of rosterbating just as much as the next guy. All of the fun of fantasy is thinking you know football way more than any of your buddies and getting to rub it in their faces at the end of the year. Just please spare everyone in your life who is not in your league and keep it to yourself. I’m not talking about the guys asking you for lineup advice, that’s fine. Just don’t show me your squad because your ego needs a boost.

Oh, you’re in four leagues and you want to show me how stacked your team in each one of them is? Hang on a second while I drill out my ear drums so I don’t have to listen to this. I don’t care that Adam Thielen fell to the fifth-round so you “just had to scoop him up”. Congratulations. I don’t care that you purchased every Fantasy Football for Dummies handbook and did 39 mock drafts in preparation. I promise you that no one cares about your fantasy lineup even one-tenth as much as you do.

The worst part about people who do this, is when they show you their team and follow it up with, “so what do you think?” Uh, I don’t care, guy. I think that you have a fantasy football team like the rest of America. If you want my genuine opinion, then I’ll have to look at everyone else’s rosters and probably have to start doing some sort of math, which is where I clock out.

Don’t be an Andre.

With all of this being said, Venmo me $10 and I will gladly rank your fantasy squad for you on an A-F scale. Also, my draft is Saturday, so in the meantime check out my squad from last year and let me know what you think, I think it was pretty stacked.

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